Sacred Connections: Fragile
In a recent email exchange, Nancy Schwartz and I were trying to figure out how to best address pastoral concerns in the context of technical and logistical realities. At one point she wisely wrote me, "We are all so much more fragile right now than we realize." I was immediately struck by the beauty and truth of her words, especially right now.
Every time I have a chance to speak with someone these days, I check in to see how they’re doing, to find out how their family is faring during this very unusual time. My question is always open-ended because I have learned quickly I haven’t a clue where the response may lead. Experiences range from almost a guilty sense of contentment, to feeling quite overwhelmed; from feelings of confidence, to almost a sense of hopelessness.
Many of us are all over the place, depending on whether we got any rest, whether the sun came out, whether there’s any chocolate left, whether a zillion other things. Many of us are feeling a little more fragile these days, and for those of us uncomfortable with that feeling, we can add to our own burdens.
Jesus’ message throughout the Gospels is one of love and of not judging the other. We may catch ourselves pretty quickly when we become aware that we’re not responding to someone out of love, when we’re critiquing someone’s every move. Although, there are times when our strongly held notion of the “correctness” of our views can seem to mute those values of love and non-judgement.
But I find the place where I may be most vulnerable to forgetting to be loving and non-judging is with myself. And I hear many of you being hard on yourselves as well. When these times feel very difficult, it can so help to remember that we are loved, and are called to love, especially including ourselves.
For those balancing young families, having school at home, while working from home, or needing to serve in the public, or find new work, it simply is a lot. It’s easy to feel we’re falling short, not being the ideal parent or teacher or spouse or employee. But with God’s help, we need to give ourselves and each other consolation that we’re doing the best we can do in any moment. We need to celebrate any success on any day and remember just getting through the day safely with our loved ones is success in itself.
For folks who are used to being independent, out in the world, interacting with others, helping the community, attending major sports and arts events, and traveling, it’s hard sheltering at home, feeling removed from the joy and meaning of all of those interactions and experiences. And it may be hard to envision the possibilities of when re-engagement might come. We need to give ourselves compassion for our disappointment and discouragement, remember that even when we are home, and not “doing” we are still loved. We can still find nourishment and meaning in this time.
For all who wrestle with unresolved issues, with mental health concerns, with feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt, we can find ourselves struggling more, and perhaps feeling less resilient. And we may be in a situation with a loved one struggling and not knowing how to share this space, how to take care of them and ourselves. We need to remember we can still reach out for help as we need it. Each of us is very human and also a child of God. We are loved.
Charlie Brumbaugh used to sign off his emails with the quote from Philo of Alexandria: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." Sometimes, even ourselves.
