Sacred Connections: Perceptions

This past Monday I was a textbook case of allowing outer circumstances to rock my world. This was my first week of eligibility to receive the COVID-19 vaccine, and I was so ready! But even though I began my calls as soon as clinics opened that morning, I was not able to find any vaccines available in the city. I’d learned over the weekend of many people who had signed up late the week before, and I felt I had been asleep at the switch with only myself to blame. Then I immersed myself in unhelpful internal dialog – Why hadn’t I tried earlier? Why hadn’t I kept better in touch with others? How did I miss this first window entirely? How would I explain this to my family whom I had promised, “As soon as I’m eligible I will get the vaccine!”?

There’s nothing quite like piling layers of self-imposed misery on top of misery. My adult self knew this was no big deal, I’d just have to wait a bit longer. My adult self knew that I was fortunate to even be in this eligibility category when so many others were still having to wait. But I had an inner dramatic teenager wanting to throw a fit.

Then late afternoon, Becca Morehous told me of an interview on WVXU with someone else who had had difficulty getting scheduled but had kept calling back and eventually got in. With this sliver of encouragement, I made one more repeat call and ended up with an appointment for 6:00 that day. The weight of frustration and feelings of failure simply lifted. I felt literally buoyant at the prospect of getting a shot in my arm. And I felt acutely aware of how I had allowed my emotions over things largely beyond my control to color my day.

Likely many of us have had similar experiences, whether it’s trying to schedule something important to us, or dealing with a home or work situation, or facing a health concern, or struggling financially, or getting consumed by any of a number of the major concerns we face in our country each day. Sometimes we can keep things in balance, and sometimes, a feeling, emotion or worry seems to cloud everything.

I met the artist, Deanna Henion, at a Winter Fair many years ago. She had created a print titled “Perceptions” that shows a single landscape with floating window frames denoting different views. One view is a stone wall, another a child flying a kite, another revealing a glimpse of the sea, another showing an empty chair. Some scenes capture clouds, while in others the sky seems clear, birds are in flight. This print spoke to me so deeply about how we can get caught up in one narrow view of what is happening and lose sight of everything else going on. I was so taken with the print back then that I worked with Deanna to create greeting cards with it, and I wrote a brief simple verse that she printed inside:

Perceptions
I create my world
as I think and feel,
then I respond
as if it's real.
I rail at the limits
I've focused on,
forgetting I can
shift beyond
my narrow view
to a broader gaze,
and see the world
in fruitful ways
that offer my soul
a warmer reception;
it just depends
on my perception.

Monday was such a reminder of that limited view for me. A fixation on a stone wall, while life abounded all around it and only needed to be seen.

The weariness of this pandemic undoubtedly triggers moments in many of us. We’re doing fine. We’re doing fine. Then, not so fine. Then how could we have imagined we were doing fine? We simply don’t have a clear map for this journey we continue on. And yet the world abounds with life, readily visible from our windows, reaching our senses when we step outside our walls, experienced whenever we open our physical or virtual doors to others and invite the richness of their lives in. There continues to be so much beauty in our connections with the world when we can open our minds, and our eyes and our hearts.

The Gospel lesson for this past Wednesday was from Mark 8:11-26, and it includes a scene with the disciples sounding a bit weary and worried, and Jesus expressing his own frustration as he challenges them. Jesus asks, “Do you still not perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes, and fail to see? Do you have ears, and fail to hear? And do you not remember?” He continues on to remind his disciples of the thousands who had just been fed, the miracles they have witnessed. Jesus closes with the words: “Do you not yet understand?”

In these challenging times, it is easy to experience narrowed perceptions. It is very human to find ourselves suffering in the midst of deep losses, disappointments, feelings of isolation, fear, frustration and concern. There’s no denying how difficult these times are for many of us. But it can help to remember, there’s more than just this singular view. So much more. The creation that surrounds us is an inspiration. Our loving connection with one another is pure gift. Jesus’ presence and love are miracles in our lives every day. Let us open our minds, our eyes, our hearts that we might perceive and understand.