WLSU: Everybody's Birthday
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A parenting expert recently told me that she hates children’s birthday parties. And I immediately thought to myself, “Well sure, all adults hate children’s birthday parties. They are excruciating.” But that was not what she meant. She told me multiple studies have shown that a child’s birthday is one of the most anxious days of their year. These young people feel the pressure for the day to be perfect. They want their parties to be as good as their friends’ parties were. They hope people actually show up. They hope they get the right gifts and have the best food and that everyone around them has a good time. On top of all this, they naturally feel and internalize their parents’ stress around all that needs to happen. A child may not be able to articulate or even consciously understand all this, but it is happening within them just the same.
Somehow their feelings about themselves and their worth get all tied up in how their birthday goes. Which of course raises the question, how is a child’s birthday different from an adult’s?
But let’s put that aside for a moment. It’s devastating on some level to think about a child’s birthday as being anything but joyful. I know I want the children in my life to feel special, to feel loved, to have a wonderful day in which they can really experience a sense of what a blessing it is that they exist, what a blessing they are to those of us who know them. I don’t want them to worry about everything being just right – I want them simply to be celebrated and to enjoy this day that is theirs.
But that’s idealistic. It’s not realistic. They are going to feel anxious and so am I. Because our expectations matter. They are a part of us.
This is Christmas as well. We call it Jesus’ birthday, but we treat it like it’s everyone’s birthday all at once. We don’t just want it to be perfect for one person: We want it to be perfect for everyone. We want everyone to get the right presents, to have the right people show up, to have the best meal. We want peace on earth and goodwill towards all. And we feel the weight of all that expectation.
Conveniently, Christmas falls at the end of the year, so we can very easily turn it into a report card for our whole year and the progress we did or didn’t make. The endless slog for unattainable perfection crystalized in one glorious day. Somehow our feelings about ourselves and our worth get all tied up in how Christmas goes.
Speaking as a Christian, I don’t say Christmas is everyone’s birthday for the sake of quaint comparison. I believe the birth of Jesus changes every person for all time. Because of Jesus, every single person on this planet is deeply connected to the God who made them. Every single person. It doesn’t matter where they were born, what they believe or don’t believe, how they vote, if they pray or not. In Jesus, God has chosen to hold onto every single one of us forever, to redeem every single one of our lives. God has said yes to us, and indeed to all of creation. We all belong utterly to God without condition.
So Christmas is the celebration of Jesus, yes. But through Jesus, Christmas is a celebration of each and every one of us. It’s a celebration of our lives, of our belonging. If we are serious about recognizing who Jesus is and celebrating what God has done, then this season, this holy day, is best spent celebrating our humanity and the beautiful humanity of those around us. Because on this day we remember that God blesses our humanity.
The things we want for children on their birthday – to feel special, to feel loved, to have a wonderful day in which they can really experience a sense of what a blessing it is that they exist, what a blessing they are to those of us who know them – this is a list of what God wants for us on Christmas.
But let’s be realistic: There will still be stress and anxiety because of our expectations. There is no way around this I suppose. I want to stay honest about that.
My friend’s observation about the anxiety such expectation produces around birthdays has shifted the way I see and approach these special days. And at the same time, I’m not going to stop celebrating my children’s birthdays. I sometimes complain about them, and I know we all get stressed about it. And I hope acknowledging this helps me treat the day differently. But I’m going to find a way to celebrate that kid. Amid the anxiety and frustration and imperfection of it all, we are going to celebrate. We’re going to make joyful.
And I’m going to celebrate Christmas. I’m going to celebrate God being faithful. I’m going to celebrate hope. I’m going to celebrate like it’s everybody’s birthday.
Because we are meant to be celebrated, and because this world needs our joy. We need joy. And joy is not confined to ideal situations. Jesus was born in a stable during a road trip, surrounded by livestock to unwed parents who were systematically marginalized and oppressed by their government. He was born homeless and was immediately a refugee. And his birthday is the source of the greatest joy imaginable.
If God brings hope and joy there, then God can bring hope and joy to me and my mundane stresses.
This, by the way, is not my way of trying to guilt you into feeling festive. Please, for the literal love of God, feel however you’ve got to feel this season. I’m not telling you to celebrate even if you don’t feel like it. I’m telling you that I’m going to celebrate you regardless. This is the day where I remember that God shows up in you, that your humanity is beautiful and holy. You bear God’s image, you are connected to God just the way you are, and therefore you are a blessing to me. In your anxiety and fear, in your grief and uncertainty, in your hopefulness and your desire to love and be loved – in all of you being you, Jesus has shown me that you are a blessing to this world and on this day I am most grateful for you. I’m joyful about you.
Merry Christmas, dear child of God. Thank you for being you.
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