WLSU: Work Hard. Be Kind

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For the last few years I’ve had the privilege of driving my daughter to school most days. It occurred to me one day as she was getting out of the car that as her parent I should say something specific besides just “Have a good day!” The daily occasion of sending her off felt like it needed something more – something parentlike, with a bit of advice to it. As she opened her door one day, the words came out, “I love you, buddy. Work hard. Be kind."

I always tell her I love her no matter what – that’s a given. It’s the foundation of everything else. The taskmaster inside me can’t help but admonish her to work hard. But I remembered the couple years I served as a teacher at a prep school. All these brilliant achiever kids and their vicariously ambitious parents, of course they worked hard, pretty uniformly. It was the kind kids that stuck out to me. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t believe the world is suffering for lack of geniuses. It’s kind people we need. Work hard and be kind. And maybe, work hard at being kind.

I’ll die in this ditch, I don’t care if it makes me sound quaint. Kindness isn’t quaint. Kindness is not about being nice or agreeable, it’s not about being a doormat. It is not even about ceding ground on issues that rest near to your heart, that affect your life directly. Kindness is not surrender, it is not ignoring unpleasant truths, and it is not sweeping things under the rug in order to get along.

Kindness is the conscious decision to humanize the person right in front of you, to at least seek to empathize with them, to insist that they matter even when you don’t want them to.

The temptation to hate is so strong. I am speaking about myself here as much as I am speaking about anyone. I do not believe kindness comes naturally when we feel threatened, when we are hurting. We are in a time of upheaval and great cultural division, fear, and animosity.

Some are grieving the results of this election, and some are celebrating – and if you look at the numbers, it’s a fairly equal portion of both. We cannot say that our country is united behind Donald Trump. That would be a lie. We could not have said the country was united behind Joe Biden after his election. That’s not how this works in real life. We know that politicians like to speak in sweeping terms about the electorate. I think those broad declarations about us are disingenuous – wishful thinking. “America has spoken!” they will often say. Have we? Our winner-take-all mentality insists on a narrative of unity that does not reflect our experience. And our binary thinking requires good guys and bad guys for us to be able to function. This is fertile ground for hatred to grow.

We are fractured, and the breach runs deep. I am not at all sure it is reparable. We all belong to each other, but we don’t act like it, and often we don’t even believe it.

I do not think kindness is the cure, by the way. But I believe it is necessary to the work of healing.

Here I need to pause and acknowledge that I am speaking as a Christian and that my frame of reference may not make any sense to you. Christians should never thrust our beliefs, priorities, or expectations onto non-Christians. It is completely counter to Christ’s life, witness, and teachings to do so.

If I take my faith seriously – which I try to do – then I have to acknowledge that every single person is made in the image of God, that every single person carries within them something of who God is – even when I do not see it or comprehend it. This does not mean every person’s opinion is valid, or that it’s ok if they harm me. It does not mean that people are beyond reproach. It certainly does not mean that we can all be friends if we just have the right attitude. But there is something of God in you, and I want to honor that. And there is something of God in me. I want to honor that too.

If you want to Make America Great Again, it’s not enough to put it on a hat and post a knowing comment on someone’s Facebook page. You have a responsibility to engage with your neighbor, to actually listen to what their concerns are. Now is not a time for triumphalism. Your non-Trump voting siblings are scared – and it’s your responsibility to at least try to understand why. You don’t have to agree with them, but your disregard will not bring the unity you say you want.

And if you were chanting We Won’t Go Back, I know this is a difficult time. You are overwhelmed. It makes sense for you to grieve. The temptation is strong to flatten out Trump voters and dehumanize them. I believe you when you say, “I just can’t understand how someone would vote for him.” But they did. And they belong to you and you to them even when you don’t know what to do with that. The outright dismissal of anyone who could fathom a Trump vote helps you live into an elitist stereotype that is not where your heart truly is.

Maybe we don’t think we can be together. Maybe we don’t want to be together. The wounds of our fight may still be too fresh. We may need to rest and breathe and take stock. But we are together. We belong to each other. And the time is coming for us to figure out how to live as if that is true.

America is an unjust country. It does not operate as if all people are created equal. Your race, your sex, your gender, your sexuality, your religious affiliation, the amount of money you have, your zip code, the school you went to – all these things have a measurable effect on your opportunities, on your representation, on your agency, on your mobility, on your health, on your safety. This reality does not reflect our stated values, does not reflect who we often say we are. It never has.

You and I were put on this earth at the same time for a reason. It is no accident. We have been gifted to one another, and we have been tasked with creating a community that respects the dignity of every human being. The work before us is immense. It will last longer than our individual lives. And we will have to learn how to strive for justice and peace together. We will have to find common ground or the peace we broker will not be lasting, the justice will be superficial. We are not alone in this work. The God who made us is in our midst even now. I love you. Work hard. Be Kind.